The poet and critic Hanif Abdurraqib wrote the following introduction to an essay about the suicide of Scott Hutchison, singer/songwriter of the great Scottish band, Frightened Rabbit: “Friend, you might not be able to relate, but there is no easy way to explain that there are days when I haven't wanted to be alive.”
Whether or not you can relate (I can), Abdurraqib closes the next paragraph thusly: “I say haven't wanted to be alive because I don't necessarily mean I had a desire to chase death. It was more a hunger for silence, for some comfortable immovability. An existence that doesn't require hurling oneself through the jaws of grief, or trauma, or anxiety.”
I’ve been thinking about that last sentence a lot this year.
For the privileged, a year “that doesn't require hurling oneself through the jaws of grief, or trauma, or anxiety,” would be the bare minimum. But this year, it seemed like no one was afforded that luxury. If it wasn’t the pandemic, it was the continued murder of black and brown people by the authorities, or the campaign season that wouldn’t end, even after the race was over and done.
Those feelings seeped into everything for me, even music – I found myself less interested in music that was challenging and confrontational. Rather, I wanted sonic blankets I could wrap myself in – I found some, but not as many as I’d hoped for. That’s probably for the best – hiding from the world doesn’t mean it’s not there. So, in addition to those blankets (Fleet Foxes, Waxahatachee), I found some challenges (a 17-minute history of the country courtesy of Bob Dylan), invitations to introspection (Taylor Swift, Lianne La Havas) and confrontation (Run The Jewels, Bartees Strange). Mostly, I was reminded of the sheer healing, cathartic power of the form.
Nothing is going to change just because it’s now 2021, but as we’ve all learned this year, there’s always hope for something better. And gratitude for what we have. If you didn’t learn those lessons in 2020, then all this grief, trauma and anxiety really will have been a fucking waste. And we all deserve better than that.
**AUTHOR'S NOTE - Throughout the page you'll find two Spotify links - one with all the albums and the songs I selected (minus one).**
Top 50 Albums
1. Notes On A Conditional Form – The 1975
2. folklore/evermore – Taylor Swift
4. Shore – Fleet Foxes
5. Dedicated Side B – Carly Rae Jepsen
6. Alfredo – Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist
7. The New Abnormal – The Strokes
8. Rough and Rowdy Ways – Bob Dylan
9. Becoming (Music from the Netflix Original Documentary) – Kamasi Washington
10. Starting Over – Chris Stapleton
11. Local Honey – Brian Fallon
12. how i’m feeling now – Charli XCX
13. Women In Music Pt. III – HAIM
14. Get Well Soon – St. South
15. Eternal Atake – Lil Uzi Vert
16. Floating in the midnight sun – re:plus
17. Future Nostalgia – Dua Lipa
18. Dreaming of David – Ryan Beatty
19. Expectations – Katie Pruitt
20. The Album – Teyana Taylor
21. Introduction, Presence – Nation of Language
22. Everything – Kota the Friend
23. It Is What It Is – Thundercat
24. Sunday Drive – Brett Eldredge
25. Bonny Light Horseman – Bonny Light Horseman
26. The Slow Rush – Tame Impala
27. As Long As You Are – Future Islands
28. Positions – Ariana Grande
29. PREP – Prep
30. Truth or Consequences – Yumi Zouma
31. Live Forever – Bartees Strange
32. RTJ4 – Run The Jewels
33. The Dream – Hailey Whitters
34. Saint Cloud – Waxahatachee
35. missunderstood – Queen Naija
36. Cutting Grass, Vol. 2 (Cowboy Arms Sessions) – Sturgill Simpson
37. The Waterfall II – My Morning Jacket
38. Printer’s Devil – Ratboys
39. color theory – Soccer Mommy
40. Twice as Tall – Burna Boy
41. What’s Your Pleasure? – Jessie Ware
42. Lianne La Havas – Lianne La Havas
43. The Glow – DMA’s
44. Is It Selfish If We Talk About Me Again – Kacy Hill
45. Somewhere Nowhere – Hundredth
46. Cold Water – Medhane
47. Ride Alone, Fly Together – AKAI SOLO
48. I Was Born Swimming – Squirrel Flower
49. Inlet – Hum
50. Flower of Devotion - Dehd
Top 100 Songs
1. "People, I’ve been sad" – La vita nuova – EP – Christine and the Queens
2. "Murder Most Foul" – Rough and Rowdy Ways – Bob Dylan
3. "party 4 u" – how i’m feeling now – Charli XCX
4. “We Had A Good Time” – We Had A Good Time – Bullion
5. "Young Once" – SOUTHSIDE – Sam Hunt
6. "Hard Feelings" – Local Honey – Brian Fallon
7. "The Wall and I" – Introduction, Presence – Nation of Language
8. “the 1” – folklore – Taylor Swift
9. "Tomorrow’s Dust" – The Slow Rush – Tame Impala
10. "Texas Sun" – Texas Sun – EP – Khruangbin and Leon Bridges
11. “Your Longing Is Gone” – Album No. 8 – Katie Melua
12. "Circles" – Circles – Mac Miller
13. "Something to Rap About" feat. Tyler, The Creator – Alfredo – Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist
14. “The Birthday Party” – Notes On A Conditional Form – The 1975
15. “LUCID” – SAWAYAMA (Deluxe Edition) – Rina Sawayama
16. “Can I Believe You” – Shore – Fleet Foxes
17. "Don’t’ Stop… Demo" – Single – Oasis
18. “JU$T" feat. Pharrell Williams and Zack de la Rocha – RTJ4 – Run The Jewels
19. "Inside Friend" feat. John Mayer – Single – Leon Bridges
20. "Fast Car" – Black Pumas (Deluxe) – Black Pumas
21. “Window” – Dedicated Side B – Carly Rae Jepsen
22. "Fall_Window" – Forever – Starchild and The New Romantic
23. "Stumble On My Way" – Pick Me Up off the Floor – Norah Jones
24. “Tennessee” – Cutting Grass, Vol. 2 (Cowboy Arms Sessions) – Sturgill Simpson
25. “Look Over Your Shoulder” feat. Kendrick Lamar – Extinction Level Event 2: The Wrath of God – Busta Rhymes
26. “Hit Different” feat. Ty Dolla $ign – Single - SZA
27. "Martin " – Making a Door Less Open – Car Seat Headrest
28. "SAVAGE ANTHEM" – PARTYMOBILE – PARTYNEXTDOOR
29. “Hammond Song” (The Roches Cover) – Good Music to Avert the Collapse of American Democracy – Robin Pecknold
30. “Fallen for You” – Live Forever – Bartees Strange
31. “Easy” feat. Mark Ronson – Single – Troye Sivan and Kacey Musgraves
32. “Laugh Now Cry Later” feat. Lil Durk – Single – Drake
33. “Freeze Tag” feat. Phoelix – Dinner Party – Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper, 9th Wonder and Kamasi Washington
34. "Dear April" (Side A – Acoustic) – Single – Frank Ocean
35. "Cool" – Future Nostalgia – Dua Lipa
36. "Misunderstood" (Live in New Orleans) – Painted (Deluxe Edition) – Lucky Daye
37. “Joy of My Life” – Starting Over – Chris Stapleton
38. “ivy” – evermore – Taylor Swift
39. "Whiskey Regrets" – Single – Rationale and TS Graye
40. "Summer 2020 – interlude " – Chilombo – Jhené Aiko
41. “Heartless” – After Hours – The Weeknd
42. “One More Afternoon” – Notes from the Archive: Recordings 2011-2016 – Maggie Rogers
43. "Sweeter" feat. Terrace Martin – Single – Leon Bridges
44. "God Whispered Your Name" – THE SPEED OF NOW Part 1 – Keith Urban
45. “Chicago Bae” feat. BJ the Chicago Kid – They Call Me Disco – EP – Ric Wilson and Terrace Martin
46. “Remember Where You Are” – What’s Your Pleasure? – Jessie Ware
47. “Debonair” – Now Or Never – Giggs
48. “Son Shine” – Untitled (Rise) – Sault
49. “Hold On Me” – So When You Gonna… – Dream Wife
50. “Out of the Blue” – Expectations – Katie Pruitt
51. “34+35” – Positions – Ariana Grande
52. "Southwark" – Truth or Consequences – Yumi Zouma
53. “One Minute You’re Here” – Letter To You – Bruce Springsteen
54. "Endamame" – Single – Zacari
55. "Fake Love" feat. Elcamino – No One Mourns the Wicked – Big Ghost Ltd and Conway the Machine
56. "Lockdown" – Single – Anderson .Paak
57. “Good Old Daze” – Look for the Good – Jazon Mraz
58. "In A Good Way" – Single – Faye Webster
59. "King Prospero" – World As a Waiting Room – White Denim
60. “Hit the Coast” – As Long As You Are – Future Islands
61. “Rain on Me” (with Ariana Grande) – Chromatica – Lady Gaga
62. “Somewhere” – Somewhere – Gum Country
63. “Weird Fishes” – Lianne La Havas – Lianne La Havas
64. “Flaws and All” – Bad Romantic II – EP – Ebenezer
65. “Wonderful” – Twice as Tall – Burna Boy
66. “quiero sentirme bien” – Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios)∞ - Kali Uchis
67. “Never Heard ‘Em Say” – Single – Durand Jones and The Indications
68. “Marian” – Empty Country – Empty Country
69. "Rapper Weed" feat. Boogie – Single – SiR
70. “Summer Moon” – Blue Summer – Cayucas
71. “bloodstream” – color theory – Soccer Mommy
72. “Identical” (From the Motion Picture “On the Rocks”) – Single – Phoenix
73. “Lockdown” – Single - Koffee
74. “FUBT” – Women In Music Pt. III – HAIM
75. “Lifetime” – Single – Romy
76. "Murphy’s Law" (Extended Mix) – Róisín Machine (Deluxe) – Róisín Murphy
77. “Dreams Come True” – NCT #127 Neo Zone: The Final Round – The 2nd Album – NCT 127
78. "Pretty Lady" – Single – Tash Sultana
79. “I’m God” – Instrumental Relics – Clams Casino & Imogen Heap
80. "To Me" – It Was Divine – Alina Baraz
81. “Can’t Do Much” – Saint Cloud – Waxahatachee
82. “Cutlass Cathedrals” – The OutRunners – Curren$y and Harry Fraud
83. “PDLIF” – Single – Bon Iver
84. "Universal Soldier" – A Written Testimony – Jay Electronica
85. “Jump Rope Gazers” – Jump Rope Gazers – The Beths
86. “River” – Reunions – Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
87. “Kane Trane” feat. Freddie Gibbs – A View of U – Machinedrum
88. "Strobe Lights" feat. Gallant – Produced By: Adrian Younge – Adrian Younge
89. “Grenfell Forever” – Speed Kills – Chubby and The Gang
90. "Hate The Club" (feat. Masego) – It Was Good Until It Wasn’t – Kehlani
91. "Something Comforting" – Single – Porter Robinson
92. “Jeanie” feat. Bon Iver – EPHEMERA – Jim-E Stack
93. “Fallin’ Rain” – Lost in the Country – Trace Mountains
94. "Dangerookipawaa Freestyle” – Single – Ab-Soul
95. “Interstellar Love” feat. Leon Bridges – We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches
96. "Heart a Home" – Touch of You: The Lost Songs of Gary Stewart – Mike and the Moonpies
97. “Angel of My Life” – Midnight Afternoon – The Lagoons
98. “Don’t Give Up On Me” – Single – Jamie Cullum
99. “HOME” feat. Bipolar Sunshine – PLANET’S MAD – Baauer
100. “Gospel for A New Century” – Gospel for A New Century – Yves Tumor
Missing from playlist:
EPs
1. La vita nuova – Christine and the Queens
2. Texas Sun – Khruangbin and Leon Bridges
3. The Bluest Note – Skyzoo and Dumbo Station
4. PARTYPACK – PARTYNEXTDOOR
5. out of interest – We Were Promised Jetpacks
6. Paul Institute – Summer 2020 – Various Artists
7. Remote – Wallows
8. We Had A Good Time – Bullion
9. They Call Me Disco – Ric Wilson and Terrace Martin
10. Reality Refresh series – Teen Daze
Reissues
1. White Ladder (20th Anniversary Edition) – David Gray
2. Pacific Breeze Volume 2: Japanese City Pop, AOR & Boogie 1972-1986 – Various Artists
3. Sunrise Demos (Expanded Edition) – The Helio Sequence
4. Pleased to Meet Me (Deluxe Edition) – The Replacements
5. Blood Bank EP (10th Anniversary Edition) – Bon Iver
6. Nice ‘n’ Easy (60th Anniversary Edition) – Frank Sinatra
7. All That You Can’t Leave Behind (20th Anniversary) [Deluxe Edition] – U2
8. Goats Head Soup (Super Deluxe) – The Rolling Stones
9. Joni Mitchell Archives - Volume One: The Early Years (1963-1967) – Joni Mitchell
10. Palo Alto – Thelonious Monk
Live Albums
1. LIVE DRUGS – The War on Drugs
2. Massey Fucking Hall – Japandroids
3. Live at the Shoals Theatre - Mike Cooley, Patterson Hood, Jason Isbell
4. Live at the Royal Albert Hall – Arctic Monkeys
5. Live in Maui – The Jimi Hendrix Experience
6. Off-Key in Hamburg – Father John Misty
7. Acoustic Live at the Triple Door – The Helio Sequence
8. Forward, Children: A Fundraiser for Durham Public Schools – Hiss Golden Messenger
9. Live at Café Carlyle – Hamilton Leithauser
10. MTV Unplugged (Live At Hull City Hall) – Liam Gallagher
Music Films
2. David Byrne’s American Utopia
3. “Laurel Canyon”
4. Creem: America’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll Magazine
5. Bruce Springsteen: Letter to You
6. folklore: the long pond studio sessions
7. 2019 Crossroads Guitar Festival
8. Miss Americana
9. excuse me, i love you
10. Willie: Life and Songs of an American Outlaw
Soundtracks
1. Becoming (Music from the Netflix Original Documentary) – Kamasi Washington
2. Industry OST – Nathan Micay
3. Small Axe “Lovers Rock” – Various Artists
4. Soul – Various Artists
5. We Are Who We Are – Various Artists
6. Tenet - Ludwig Göransson
7. On the Rocks – Various Artists
8. Once Upon a River – Various Artists
9. Da 5 Bloods – Various Artists
10. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story Of Fire Saga – Various Artists
Box sets
1. Pleased to Meet Me (Deluxe Edition) – The Replacements
2. All That You Can’t Leave Behind (20th Anniversary) [Deluxe Edition] – U2
3. Goats Head Soup (Super Deluxe) – The Rolling Stones
4. Joni Mitchell Archives - Volume One: The Early Years (1963-1967) – Joni Mitchell
5. Wildflowers and All The Rest (Deluxe Edition) – Tom Petty
6. Giant Steps (60th Anniversary Super Deluxe Edition) – John Coltrane
7. Complete Island Recordings – Bob Marley and The Wailers
8. Workingman’s Dead/American Beauty (50th Anniversary Deluxe Editions) – Grateful Dead
9. Come Go With Me: The Stax Collection – The Staples Singers
10. Jewel Box – Elton John
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